Wow....
6 years....
6 years since my last post.
It's been so long I don't even recognize the features on this thing. Regardless...some writing is much needed right now. I'll get the hang of it again, right?
So...a lot has happened in the past 6 years, but I'm not going to bore you with the details. Plus - there's just too many for me to decide which are relevant enough to talk about.
Let's start with yesterday - January 12th, 2016. Somehow, some way, I remembered that I used to have three blogs: one for me, one for Bryanna, and one for Brendan. This prompted me to take some time today to find them.....and I did! YAY! :)
It's been a tough 6 years. Break ups, arguments, new relationships, custody battles, court hearings, tantrums, new jobs, new experiences, new everything!
As I write, Bryanna sits next to me with a bowl of cereal in hand, watching a movie on Netflix. She's 8 now. 8. Years. Old. WOW! Still amazes me everyday. Still drives me crazy. Still makes me laugh. Still makes me cry. Still loves me. Still shows me everything I need to know about being a mother. This girl has changed my life in so many wonderful ways.
Her brother. Oh boy, where do I begin? That boy keeps me on my toes every. Single. Day. Bryanna and Brendan's personalities are complete and total opposite. He makes me feel like this is my first time with this whole parenting thing. The kiddo is something else. But he's mine. He's my baby boy. Always has been; always will.
I write to vent. I write to release. I write to feel heard. I write to help. I write in hopes that getting these thoughts on paper will somehow alleviate the stress and anxiety I feel each and every day. Let's give it another whirl, and see where it takes me! :)
Friday, January 13, 2017
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Changes
So it's been a while since I've visited my blog. And a lot has changed since the last post. Remember me saying how God has a plan for everyone, and you don't know where you'll be or who you'll be with a month from now, a year from now, and so on?
Well I got a good lesson in that. Things can happen so quickly that you have no idea what the heck is going on. One minute you're life can be in order and things are going as usual and then BAM! It all changes.
Last weekend I had a pretty big wake up call to where God wants my life to go. And unfortunately, he wants me to go there alone. But I can do it, right? It is possible for me to do things on my own without a companion. I did it for the first 15 years of my life, I can do it again.
But.... I'm scared.
I'm not a person who likes to be alone. And when I'm forced to be alone, I don't deal with it so well. Depression kicks in. Anxiety kicks in. And that's how I've been the last week. Lost. Afraid. Lonely. But it gets better, right? I mean.... those feelings can't last forever, can they? I sure hope not.
Well I got a good lesson in that. Things can happen so quickly that you have no idea what the heck is going on. One minute you're life can be in order and things are going as usual and then BAM! It all changes.
Last weekend I had a pretty big wake up call to where God wants my life to go. And unfortunately, he wants me to go there alone. But I can do it, right? It is possible for me to do things on my own without a companion. I did it for the first 15 years of my life, I can do it again.
But.... I'm scared.
I'm not a person who likes to be alone. And when I'm forced to be alone, I don't deal with it so well. Depression kicks in. Anxiety kicks in. And that's how I've been the last week. Lost. Afraid. Lonely. But it gets better, right? I mean.... those feelings can't last forever, can they? I sure hope not.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Accidents Happen
So there I am, toastin' up a yummy toaster strudel for Bryanna, when I hear her crying. She tends to do that a lot (cry) so I don't think much of it. The toaster strudel is done and ready so I make my way downstairs to give it to her. She's sitting there on the floor with tears in her eyes and a frown on her face, but no longer actually crying. I ask her what happened and she responds with "My hurt my butt." "Aww, you hurt your butt?" "Yeah (with sad face)." "What did you sit on?" She points to her semi-little, plastic Elmo phone. I say "Aww man. Well you'll be ok." She continues playing and I continue getting ready for work. A half hour passes and I'm changing her diaper to get her ready for the day.
I think WHOA! What the hell is this!? There is blood in her diaper.
Of course, I start freaking out, so Bryanna starts freaking out. I see dried blood, but can't figure out where it initally came from. I knew it was from sitting on the toy and obviously there was a cut somewhere. After many phone calls (one to Gramma and a few to the doc's office) I determine that she definitely needs to be seen. Because by this point (the end of the phone calls) I've managed to figure out that she has a decent-sized gash between the cheeks of her tooshy.
No appointments were available so I drop the boy off at daycare and bring her to the oh-so-awesomely-fast E.R. in Stillwater. (<--Seriously, they are pretty fast.) The doc says no stitches are needed, but we for sure need to keep the area clean to prevent infection, and soak her toosh in the tub as often as we can - which is no problem considering she already takes like 2-3 baths a day. What can I say? The girl loves the tub!
I can't help but think that this accident could have been avoided if I were to keep the basement floor much more clear of toys and clutter. I'm almost positive the Elmo phone was left on the floor from the previous night of play time, but never picked up because I'm way too lazy to do any daily cleaning.
Moral of the story (for me): Keep your living/playing space neat and tidy. Pick up nightly after the kiddos lay their sleepy, little noggins on their pillows. (Much easier said than done, but there's always room for improvement.)
I think WHOA! What the hell is this!? There is blood in her diaper.
Of course, I start freaking out, so Bryanna starts freaking out. I see dried blood, but can't figure out where it initally came from. I knew it was from sitting on the toy and obviously there was a cut somewhere. After many phone calls (one to Gramma and a few to the doc's office) I determine that she definitely needs to be seen. Because by this point (the end of the phone calls) I've managed to figure out that she has a decent-sized gash between the cheeks of her tooshy.
No appointments were available so I drop the boy off at daycare and bring her to the oh-so-awesomely-fast E.R. in Stillwater. (<--Seriously, they are pretty fast.) The doc says no stitches are needed, but we for sure need to keep the area clean to prevent infection, and soak her toosh in the tub as often as we can - which is no problem considering she already takes like 2-3 baths a day. What can I say? The girl loves the tub!
I can't help but think that this accident could have been avoided if I were to keep the basement floor much more clear of toys and clutter. I'm almost positive the Elmo phone was left on the floor from the previous night of play time, but never picked up because I'm way too lazy to do any daily cleaning.
Moral of the story (for me): Keep your living/playing space neat and tidy. Pick up nightly after the kiddos lay their sleepy, little noggins on their pillows. (Much easier said than done, but there's always room for improvement.)
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
What's Meant To Be
"What's meant to be will always find a way." <---So cliche, right?
I totally believe in it though.
Too many things have happened in my life for me not to believe in it. I looked for months upon months for a full time job. I began to think it would never happen and I was just meant to make minimum wage until I was through with college. I was wrong. Last October, I got hired on full-time at my current job. It happened right when it was supposed to. I was moving into a new place, I was going to be paying more rent, I had just had a second child. The timing was right on.
Same with relationships. It's hard to picture my life years from now, who I'll be with, where I'll be living and working. God has a plan for everyone though. (I'm not here to push these beliefs on any one, I'm just saying how I feel.) He knows exactly what is going to happen to each person at any point in time. He already knew that at 19 years old I would have a baby girl, and at 21 years old I'd have a baby boy. He knew the bd and I wouldn't work out, but He did know that the bd would eventually become "the bd." And he also knew that Robert would one day become the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. But not until after all of the above happened first.
You never know where life is going to take you or what is going to happen. What you know today, may not be the same tomorrow. Only He knows. And that is the way it's supposed to be.
I totally believe in it though.
Too many things have happened in my life for me not to believe in it. I looked for months upon months for a full time job. I began to think it would never happen and I was just meant to make minimum wage until I was through with college. I was wrong. Last October, I got hired on full-time at my current job. It happened right when it was supposed to. I was moving into a new place, I was going to be paying more rent, I had just had a second child. The timing was right on.
Same with relationships. It's hard to picture my life years from now, who I'll be with, where I'll be living and working. God has a plan for everyone though. (I'm not here to push these beliefs on any one, I'm just saying how I feel.) He knows exactly what is going to happen to each person at any point in time. He already knew that at 19 years old I would have a baby girl, and at 21 years old I'd have a baby boy. He knew the bd and I wouldn't work out, but He did know that the bd would eventually become "the bd." And he also knew that Robert would one day become the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. But not until after all of the above happened first.
You never know where life is going to take you or what is going to happen. What you know today, may not be the same tomorrow. Only He knows. And that is the way it's supposed to be.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Pure Exhaustion
I don't know what the heck is wrong with me, but I am constantly tired. ALL. THE. TIME. I'm tellin' ya... It's like I wake up in the morning with no energy, no motivation, no "get-up-and-go." Anyone else feel like that on a daily basis? Ugh. I know being a mommy of a toddler and 1/2 year old probably has something to do with it, but come on. This is getting a tad bit ridiculous, and I can't help it. I get a decent amount of sleep (granted I do get up with Brendan when he wants to eat in the middle of the night). I don't go to bed too late (at least I don't think so). And I take naps when I have the chance. I even get up with the kids and sleep on the couch for a little bit when Brendan goes back to sleep after eating and Bryanna is watching 'Shrek'. But that still doesn't do anything. I could sleep all day long if I had the chance! I just want one day where I have the energy to do something with myself instead of hangin' out in my jams all day, sitting on the couch, watching 'Shrek' over and over again, and letting the basement look like a flippin' tornado passed through it. I don't think that's too much to ask for. Just one day of non-sleepiness. *Sigh* Wishful thinking.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Mommy Moment
I had one of those mommy moments yesterday that was more or less a so-precious-words-can't-describe-it-almost-brings-tears-to-your-eyes moments. Bryanna insisted on sleeping in Brendan's new crib with him. Why? I don't know, but I wasn't going to say no to a soon-to-be Kodak moment of both my kiddos sleeping together. And sure enough.... that moment came.
 |
| I had to hold back the tears. I love these little people! |
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Growing Up
It's official. I've got a 6-month old mover on my hands. Not quite scooting yet, but he turns in circles and rolls around to get to where he wants to go. I've witnessed him getting up on his hands and knees, but he's not stable enough to stay there so he falls back on his tummy.
Bryanna's little Miss Independent. She was singing her version of "The Ants Go Marching" today and I just about fell over dying of laughter. It went a little something like "Ants go march. Eh, eh, eh (trying to find the words). Little one stops. Eh, eh. A tree. Boom, boom, boom. Hoorah!" Adorable, right!? She takes at least two baths a day, and she needs them to be hot per her request. I'm totally ok with this because it keeps her occupied for at least 20 minutes. (Gives mommy a little break.) She loves to clean, cook, and change her baby's diaper. She's such a little mommy already.
It's so great watching your kids grow up. It's even better having others around to watch them grow up with you. I wouldn't trade being a mommy of two for anything. It's honestly the best!
Bryanna's little Miss Independent. She was singing her version of "The Ants Go Marching" today and I just about fell over dying of laughter. It went a little something like "Ants go march. Eh, eh, eh (trying to find the words). Little one stops. Eh, eh. A tree. Boom, boom, boom. Hoorah!" Adorable, right!? She takes at least two baths a day, and she needs them to be hot per her request. I'm totally ok with this because it keeps her occupied for at least 20 minutes. (Gives mommy a little break.) She loves to clean, cook, and change her baby's diaper. She's such a little mommy already.
It's so great watching your kids grow up. It's even better having others around to watch them grow up with you. I wouldn't trade being a mommy of two for anything. It's honestly the best!
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